


Fluffy!Snape Fic

by Perfica



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 100-1000 Words, Crack, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-23
Updated: 2005-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-14 22:26:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/154146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perfica/pseuds/Perfica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a.k.a. 'I Need To Come Up With A Title For This Crack?'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fluffy!Snape Fic

"Love? What's wrong?"

Harry had been in the kitchen making lunch (not using his wand, of course, because everybody knew that food tasted better when it was made with loving hands) and had paused, sharp knife just about to slice into the quiche he'd prepared earlier in the day with ingredients he'd grown and harvested fresh from his own garden.

It had been cooling on the windowsill of the small, but completely charming cottage they'd bought after their wedding (which had been attended by all members of the Weasley family, even Percy, as well as all the remaining staff members of Hogwarts, and a group of representatives from the Ministry of Magic who had chipped in to purchase an extravagant spell that had played the theme from 'The Way We Were' while shooting pink, sparkling stars and multi-coloured bubbles out of a pulsating red love heart) while Harry had finished churning the milk he'd drawn from their placid family of brown-eyed cows into a thick, luscious cream which he'd carefully ladled on the top of the trifle he'd made (using peaches from that orchard down the road).

"Sevvie darling? My precious?" he asked again, wiping his hands on his 'Kiss The Cook' apron. He stood in the doorway, staring at his love, his life, his everything, who was hunched down on the lounge blowing his considerable (which of course perfectly matched the old adage of 'men with big noses, nudge nudge, wink wink' down there) nose.

"It's just that . . . " Severus sobbed, his chin trembling in an adorable manner.

"Sweetums, what's the matter? Tell me, and I'll fix it," Harry entreated, clasping Severus' head and holding it protectively against his chest. "Have those big, bad Death Eaters been sending you letters again? Has someone said something rude? Was it Ginny? Tell me, and I'll fix the slag right good. Was it Ron? Hermione? One of their fourteen children? Please, my one, my only – tell your Harry so he can make it all go away."

Severus panted into Harry's broad, strong chest, one hand waving a periwinkle blue hankie towards the TV screen. "That. It's just so, so – "

Harry's emerald orbs bore into the offending item. A sugary-sweet jingle pierced his ears as he watched a puppy (and not just any puppy, one of those puppies that are covered in rolls of loose skin which they eventually grow into and then their owners don't like them anymore) roll around in a flowing pile of ultra-soft, shiny-white toilet paper.

"The puppy?"

" _Look_ ," Severus whined, waving his hankie again. "There's more."

The puppy finally stopped frolicking, laying down on its round little belly and panting happily while a tiny grey kitten with big blue eyes padded carefully over to it. The puppy and the kitten stared at each for a moment, then the kitten tentatively stretched out its wee neck and, with a pretty pink tongue, licked the puppy on the nose. The puppy squirmed in delight, and the kitten gracefully snuggled down next to it – best friends forever – as the commercial ended with the brand of toilet paper scrolling across their sated faces in loopy, lovely writing.

"I mean, it's . . . just . . . so . . . _cute_ ," Severus sobbed into Harry's manly chest, tears glistening like jewels and trailing down his face as he hung onto his husband (of three years, and not a day went by that they didn't each thank their lucky stars that they'd fallen in love and forgotten about all that mortal enemies rubbish). " _I_ want a puppy! And a kitten!"

"There, there, snookums," Harry soothed, running his fingers through Severus' glossy, black and extremely clean hair. "I’ll _get_ t you a puppy. And a kitten. And a bunny rabbit too, anything else you want. As soon as the babies are born. Okay, sugar-cheeks?"

Severus blew his nose and rested his arms on his considerable paunch. "Do you promise? You're not just saying that because I'm fat and ugly – "

"Sevvie-poo, don't say that! You're not ugly. You're just as beautiful as you were the first day I met you. And how can you say you're fat? That's our babies you're carrying in there," Harry retorted, running his hands gently up and down Severus' stomach. "You know I love you, just as much as I'm going to love little baby Elijah and Elisa. You mean _everything_ to me!"

"Oh, Harry," Severus said, a watery, yet brave smile breaking out of his pale-like-the-full-moon face. "You're the best husband a man could ever have."

"No, Severus," Harry said, kissing that beautiful smile. "You are."

 _And they lived happily ever after, and if I ever write something like this again, you have permission to flame me so hard I turn into a pile of ash._

THE END!


End file.
